My Special Friend

I’ve been thinking about my sign a lot lately. Leo cusp Cancer with a Virgo moon. Personally, I find it accurate.

I believe in astrology if you look at the whole chart. Do I believe it can predict your future, or pick your soulmate? No, I do not. However, I do like to look into someone’s birth chart when we are courting each other. Maybe it’s just a need to control, thirst for more information. Maybe it’s my Virgo moon.

More specifically, I’ve been thinking of that lion pridefulness, that big ego of mine. It came about after meeting someone much more private than myself. I’m a very open person. I’m also very showy as it turns out. When I eventually get a boyfriend/girlfriend, I want to be able to tell my friends all about them and show off pictures. I don’t think I could ever be with someone who asked me to keep things secret. I’d feel awkward having to keep so much in.

With this person, I find myself back peddling and lying sort of recently. At first I told my friends all about them. This week I followed up with I think I just wanna be friends with them. Which is true and not true. It’s true but it’s misleading in the fact that I will probably NOT tell this person we should just be friends. It’s true because it is how I sort of feel. Things feel friendly with them and I am sort of resentful that I am in this position. I had felt guilty about talking so much about them before I really knew how private they were and what the situation was. Is that my fault? No. Is it healthy? Probably not, so we should just be friends. I feel frustrated, confused, my guard is up. The problem? The are probably the most sweet, kind, talented and ambitious people I have ever met. The more I get attached, the more I want to distance myself because it is not entirely right.

Maybe I was only half misleading my friends. My heart legit feels like friend zone is the safe zone right now. I just wish things would naturally run their course, either way it goes.

All that being said, I could check me ego a bit. Still not happy about being in that position, however, do I need to be a total Leo and show off everything all the time. I’m just like a proud mama, I feel like I can’t help it! Obviously, I’m trying to respect his boundaries and privacy but it is really hard. Here is me right now totally not talking about him (haha). It literally just hurts me ego a lot having someone not want to show ME off as much as I want to show them off. That’s probably the bigger issue. Feeling like a total Cancer today, very emotional. My Virgo moon is like what hard work do I need to do to work this out??

Because he bruised my ego, and I have mostly friend zoned him. If he does every want to move things forward and act more “boyfriendy”, some grovelling may need to be involved. Definitely the official asking me to be his girlfriend because I will definitely be bringing up the fact that he told his people I’m his friend when we are more right now.

The more I vent about this, the more I want to pull back. My instinct is, this will not end well for me. I need to hold out for someone like him that doesn’t wanna keep our relationship a secret, it’s that simple.