It’s Been Disgusting Up In Here

Let’s start with Monday. On Monday I get home from work and my baby boy has a mild fever. My daughter seems fine. My grandma and I already had plans for lunch and my son was being cooperative, so we go to a really close restaurant. My son wants pink lemonade and he is spoiled. We order them lemonades. The waiter comes back with fruit punch. While we were waiting though, my daughter said she didn’t want lemonade she wanted the red one. In my head, I’m thinking, “wow, worked out well”. I don’t remember my daughter ever being allowed to have fruit punch before. The drinks come with a sour key, which they both eat. She’s also never had one of those before. What she has had before was a fruit roll up, which made her projectile vomit all over the place. Also, cake with blue icing. She really seems to have issues with fake fruit foods too like Nutrigrain bars and Fruit to Go. Basically I never let her have food dye or candy. She hasn’t had a reaction in a couple years though, so there was a chance she had outgrown her allergies. Now, I don’t think she has. I thought, “we will see if she gets a tummy ache and then we will know for next time”.

Well, that night she projectile vomits fourteen times. After the first few times a lot of dry heaving was involved. Now you could think, fruit drink, candy, definitely the culprit. You would be thinking like me! However, in the midst of the vomiting, my son vomits twice. I chalked that up to not having dinner and having Tylenol. With the fever, maybe his stomach was sensitive. Nope. Stomach flu. My daughter and I both got fevers and ended up throwing up. I still, however, think she also had an FPIES (Food Protein Induced Enterocolitis Syndrome) reaction to that drink/ sour key. The main reason I think this is because she didn’t have a fever until almost 24 hours later and everyone only vomited once or twice a day for a few days. Actually, they still have fevers and vomiting on and off. It is Friday.

They are at their dad’s place now. Wish me luck as I sanitize everything.

I Was Told To Let My Son Die, Fuck That

Not naming names but when my son was six months old he was in the hospital for FPIES. We had switched to formula due to doctor recommendations. They were worried about my health while breastfeeding on such a restricted diet.

Within a week we had tried three different formulas and he was allergic to them all. It was a long weekend and he couldn’t keep down any of the prescription formula. We brought him to the hospital who said he needed to be breastfed. We went back to it immediately.

The person, who was close to our family, had been against breastfeeding Gavin from the start. They knew that most sick babies take formula and they were very concerned about my diet. I called them to let them know that Gavin was in the hospital and the conversation got heated. They told me I can’t go back to breastfeeding him and I need to let him die. They were convinced that Gavin wouldn’t make it no matter what and I was just going to die too if I kept going.

There’s a lot of choice words I have to say if I was still talking to this person. I fucking saved his life. I’d do anything for my baby boy. I couldn’t live with myself if I had just given up and let him starve to death.

One thing time has given me is this: I get it. I don’t agree with it, but I understand where they were coming from. I understand that they were scared and they thought they were helping. I understand that they just love me and my husband and were tired of watching us struggle.

I don’t know if I can ever forget it though. Not just that comment, but the months of fighting over breastfeeding. I don’t know if we ever want to see each other again.

I hope that if you have a baby out there, it’s healthy. I hope that no one harasses you over your choice to breastfeed or formula feed your little girl/guy. I hope that the people around you can support you past their own fears.

I Left Facebook, But Now I’m Back

Walking threw Walmart the other day, wearing my BFF Sea Punk JuJuBe backpack, I got stopped by a lady. She loved my backpack, wanted to know what other JuJuBe bags I had and told me about a Facebook group for them. She seemed really nice so I joined. Turns out she wrote a post about it and everyone was excited I was there.

That’s why I love Facebook, the groups. The groups and birthday reminders are the only things I really love about Facebook. I’m an Instagram girl.

Last year I deleted all my social media, which now, I regret it. At the time though I wanted a fresh start. I wanted SPACE badly. I wasn’t thinking about my beloved groups and friends when I had my impulsive movement of deletion. My Facebook friends freaked out and a lot of them tracked me down. It apparently created a lot of drama. This week I was welcomed back to my baby group and a lot of ladies were relieved to see me. I had no idea how much of an impact deleting my app would have. In hindsight, it kind of makes sense, I was on there a lot.

On Facebook in my former life, I grew a makeup business and I had my own makeup group. Now I am trying to rebuild on Instagram. It isn’t quite the same. My friends can’t post their makeup looks and chat with each other. There are things I like about it better though. Maybe one day I’ll go back to having a makeup group again. Lately though, I have been focusing on cardmaking. I doubt I would have a cardmaking group on Facebook though now that you can go live on YouTube. We’ll see. I seem to want to try everything lol.

I’m still in awe about how much people reacted to me leaving Facebook and how much of a welcome home I got coming back. These social media connections can be very real. If it wasn’t for social media we may have never found out that our son had FPIES. A wonderful mother suggested it and recommended we ask for a referral to a paediatric allergist. Him getting diagnosed helped me and my daughter get diagnosed. For that I will forever be grateful to that mother, Facebook and its many groups.


On Starting Over

I call it my phoenix rising; those times in my life when I burn everything to the ground and build a new. There are always consequences to this drama but sometimes I just snap. Most people around me hear at least one pent up grievance . It feels like I can’t hold anything in any longer. Sometimes I’m extra dramatic. Last year I snapped. I let people get to me. I felt bullied. I felt like it was time to stand up for myself. I hear the song Way Too Far by Korn on repeat. I took things too far. I got too angry.

In this blog I want to be real. Yes, I want to talk about the joys of parenting, however, I want to relate the human side of me. Instagram just shows cute cards, colourful lipstick, and adorable little humans. It’s real but it’s not everything. Sometimes I wish there wasn’t more to say. Sometimes I’m embarrassed by my hot headedness. It has definitely gotten me in trouble from time to time. My father once described someone as “great with children, bad with adults”. This was me. My kids could destroy the place without me blinking but I was extra prickly with the rest of my family.

As much as I wish things could have been different and that I didn’t look so insane, I think of those times as growing pains. In fact, what came of it was great growth. My husband and I are in a place that is better than ever. I hear myself saying “I wish last year never happened but I don’t know how we could have gotten where we are otherwise”. There are people who were in my life who are no longer. I went through a grieving period but now I see the good in it.

The people I lost had issues with me for years. I’ve known since high school that people either really love me or really hate me. I have one of those big personalities that are sometimes grating. I can get over hyper at times, or you could say, I am creative, imaginative and inspired. Love me or hate me, it is what it is. I will probably blow up every few years. I may even act crazy. If you love me you will accept it.

So now I have been starting over from scratch. I redid all my social media. That was kind of depressing, but it is coming along now. As much as I regret giving up social media during the shit storm last year, I think I am doing a better job now. I’m learning and growing. I’m only in the beginning phases of where I want to be, but that’s okay, because I see it coming along. If it doesn’t workout, well, I’ll start over.

Although I will always have many regrets, I wouldn’t be where I am without it. Where am I that is so glamourous that I can accept all my missteps? I have an amazing husband who just keeps getting better somehow. I have two super great kids who used to be sick with FPIES but who are healthy now. I have a good part time job that I could actually see myself doing for a long time. I have a beautiful apartment I may never want to move out of. I get to do crafts and art with my kids for hours a day in a beautiful corner of said apartment. Life is good.

I know that at some point things will change. I may have another phoenix moment. I may lose my temper and go way too far again, but I’m working on it. I’m working on just being happy and grateful. I am learning to accept the past and move on. I am becoming a better human every year.

Have you started over? What did you learn from it?