Sleep Deprevation

I got 11 hours sleep last night. It was so needed. My stomach has been upset all week, reacting to dairy I believe. Even as I write this, my eyes close, reminiscing about the exhaustion I had just yesterday. Although I feel so much better, I’m still sleepy. I crave coffee.

Work yesterday was literally embarrassing because of how groggy I was. Everyone I talked to said I looked tired, or pale, or sad. I’m really hoping I look better at work tonight after all my sleep! Besides looking like shit, work is going good! I’m back to my main department which is so nice! We are shipping out all the winter and Easter stuff. I feel like I have so much job security in this role. Sure, sometimes we are slow, but when they need me, they REALLY need me. Not too many people are trained in that department. There is two of us with the job title, and maybe four more that can help a little bit.

I feel like last week I really pushed the limits of not sleeping. I stayed up cleaning and talking to friends. I often woke up at two am and couldn’t get back to sleep til five. I’d work til 11 and couldn’t fall asleep til three am. I was all over the place. Gavin mostly doesn’t nap so napping isn’t really an option for me anymore.

Even though there was a lack of sleep issue, and even though there are diet changes afoot, I was incredibly happy last week. Not like bipolar mood swing happy haha. It just felt nice to have these personal connections. In some ways, with quarantine, I feel closer to my friends than ever. It feels like we are putting in extra efforts to entertain each other. Just this morning, a new friend of mine was sending me silly videos he made. Totally made my day.

That’s pretty much how its been going for the last few weeks though. Erratic sleep patterns, the food issues are new but before this I had a cold for three weeks. Working, doing the homeschool thing, trying to get my house in order, sewing masks when I have time, and working on strengthening the relationships. Now more than ever, I’ve been realizing how valuable the people in my life are. I wouldn’t go so far as to say I took people for granted, but sometimes I get caught up in things and don’t always pay attention.

Hope you are doing well and getting your sleep in!

Finding the Balance

My kids have been sick for two weeks. It was the first flu I had to deal with as a single mother. I got through it. There was lots of vomiting in buckets and fevers, but we survived. I washed all the pillows and bedding in the house. I’m working on sanitizing everything. I’m vaguely surprised I got through it alone. It definitely was harder than it was when my husband lived here.

I spent the weekend thinking of the trade-off. Thinking about this flu and how now I have to walk to work all winter. We used to share a car but it was his. So when it’s blizzarding and I’m walking to work I’m thinking “well, this is my life now”. Unless I get a different or second job I’ll never be able to afford my apartment and a car. Once my kids turn eighteen I’ll probably need a second job to just pay for my apartment and food. That really isn’t a bad idea because I need to save for retirement. Of course, I could get a job that pays more, however, it may not be within walking distance and I may need a car.

This is how my brain runs lately. Thinking about how I am going to afford life. Thinking about how we will have a decent life and balance our budget. I think about spoiling my kids with art supplies and how everyday we have the best time. Every time we do that, it takes away from their RESPs. Then I think about the balance. I think about how I can work more when they are older and worry about that then. There is the fact that they could get a loan and pay for it themselves. I do want to help them as much as I can, comfortably. I guess the truth is, I’m not ready to completely sacrifice, never eat out, stop buying stamps, and not go to the movies to pay for their University. I’m trying to find the balance. I’m trying to take care of everything and get used to this single mom life. It’s going better than I expected.