Little Embarrassed,

So if you read my blog, you know, I SHOULD BE CLEANING. Like seriously. I hate picking up todays. Well, I’m officially super embarrassed. My stepdad came over for a minute today to help me bring up groceries and he was stepping over toys left right and centre. I had a friend come to the door a few hours later and there were still a couple grocery bags on the floor. Nothing that needed to be refrigerated of course, but still! It’s just that I had a long day at work and when I got home I wanted to do some sewing. I got right into my project and that was that. I have tomorrow off and kids are with their dad so I can clean then! Right!?

In case you were wondering, I am sewing masks for the 72 year old I share and office with and my friend who has diabetes.

Okay, back to the house. The thing is, I just wanna clean it in my own time. Make it a little party. Then show it off and be like see I can tidy, eventually (haha).

So plan for tomorrow:
– do my hair and makeup
– make TikToks
– clean!!!
– finish sewing the masks
– make chicken noodle soup from scratch

It’s a big day but I got all day. It’s going to be awesome!

Happy Easter!

FOMO

FOMO got the best of me. If you don’t know what that is, it’s fear of missing out. Seriously, it gets to me and then I shop. The problem is that five years ago, I picked out everything I would want in my dream house. Now, I realize I may never have a house. I found a way to make those things work in my apartment, for the most part. Some things have been discontinued since I picked them out. Some things I’ve ditched the idea of owning because of space. Margarita glasses, I’m still not sure about you honey.

I put my bone china in my bar where the alcohol goes and moved the glasses around so I have more space on that shelf also. So instead of a collection of alcohol I was planning on, I now have a three tiered server with gold trim by Royal Albert. Right now, we are isolating, so I won’t have people over anyways. Also, I got thinking, and with having kids, maybe it is better to not have alcohol in the house. A stocked bar is fun and all, but that is just tempting them when they are teenagers. They already steal my coffee when I put it down for a minute! I bought a stand to put my bone china on I’m just not sure it will work out. Right now it is staying in the bar because I have young kids, three and six years old. The reason I’m not sure it will work out is because I bought some more Le Creuset and for now, I’m putting it on the stand. I could put a French oven in the cupboard *gasp*, no that’s blasphemy. I am considering getting more shelves for the unit my Le Creuset is now displayed on, and there is another shelf that currently has kid art stuff on it. POTENTIALLY, that could hold some kitchen stuff. If I ever plan on getting serving dishes I’ll have to utilize that art shelf somewhat. The point is, there are options.

I want either an All Clad or Le Creuset pasta pot, but then I think space. The couple times I’ve tried to make a homemade sauce and a big pot of pasta have been frustrating because I only have one large stock pot. After the last time, I finally realized that I could cook the sauce in a dutch oven. So now getting a pasta pot in itself seems frivolous. Although, I just ordered a 4.7 quart oval French oven when I already own a 7.25 quart round French oven. Why did I do that? Honestly, because I wanted an oval cast iron pot, and I wanted a yellow Le Creuset piece. If I own a house with a large oven, I would have gotten a goose pot or something much bigger. Apartment life means apartment sized oven. Reality sunk in. I did feel like it wasn’t the worst thing to have different sizes. I also own a 2 quart French oven, the pumpkin one by Le Creuset. I would like the Tomato pot by Staub, which I believe is 3 quarts. Will I get a 1 quart pot? Possibly, if I have room, however, it is really not necessary. I like the Staub and Le Creuset as serving dishes as well. I picture using the 1 quart for corn or cranberry sauce during a holiday dinner.

Will I host a holiday dinner, given that I live in an apartment?? Possibly a very small one, but mostly just special meals with the kids or with our friends. I plan on pulling out the bone china on the regular once I have enough of it. It will be used weekly! I will tell my kids how having them home is special especially since I cannot see them everyday and if I cook something from scratch, we are having a fancy meal. Homemade pizza on bone china? That actually sounds like something I would do!

Have you had to make compromises because of space? Do you suffer from FOMO?

On Starting Over

I call it my phoenix rising; those times in my life when I burn everything to the ground and build a new. There are always consequences to this drama but sometimes I just snap. Most people around me hear at least one pent up grievance . It feels like I can’t hold anything in any longer. Sometimes I’m extra dramatic. Last year I snapped. I let people get to me. I felt bullied. I felt like it was time to stand up for myself. I hear the song Way Too Far by Korn on repeat. I took things too far. I got too angry.

In this blog I want to be real. Yes, I want to talk about the joys of parenting, however, I want to relate the human side of me. Instagram just shows cute cards, colourful lipstick, and adorable little humans. It’s real but it’s not everything. Sometimes I wish there wasn’t more to say. Sometimes I’m embarrassed by my hot headedness. It has definitely gotten me in trouble from time to time. My father once described someone as “great with children, bad with adults”. This was me. My kids could destroy the place without me blinking but I was extra prickly with the rest of my family.

As much as I wish things could have been different and that I didn’t look so insane, I think of those times as growing pains. In fact, what came of it was great growth. My husband and I are in a place that is better than ever. I hear myself saying “I wish last year never happened but I don’t know how we could have gotten where we are otherwise”. There are people who were in my life who are no longer. I went through a grieving period but now I see the good in it.

The people I lost had issues with me for years. I’ve known since high school that people either really love me or really hate me. I have one of those big personalities that are sometimes grating. I can get over hyper at times, or you could say, I am creative, imaginative and inspired. Love me or hate me, it is what it is. I will probably blow up every few years. I may even act crazy. If you love me you will accept it.

So now I have been starting over from scratch. I redid all my social media. That was kind of depressing, but it is coming along now. As much as I regret giving up social media during the shit storm last year, I think I am doing a better job now. I’m learning and growing. I’m only in the beginning phases of where I want to be, but that’s okay, because I see it coming along. If it doesn’t workout, well, I’ll start over.

Although I will always have many regrets, I wouldn’t be where I am without it. Where am I that is so glamourous that I can accept all my missteps? I have an amazing husband who just keeps getting better somehow. I have two super great kids who used to be sick with FPIES but who are healthy now. I have a good part time job that I could actually see myself doing for a long time. I have a beautiful apartment I may never want to move out of. I get to do crafts and art with my kids for hours a day in a beautiful corner of said apartment. Life is good.

I know that at some point things will change. I may have another phoenix moment. I may lose my temper and go way too far again, but I’m working on it. I’m working on just being happy and grateful. I am learning to accept the past and move on. I am becoming a better human every year.

Have you started over? What did you learn from it?