Twin Flame Playlist

Vermillion pt 2 – Slipknot
Red Flags & Long Nights – She Wants Revenge
Fated, Faithful, Fatal – Marilyn Manson
Sex On Fire – Kings of Leon
Rock & Roll Queen – The Subways
Young God – Halsey
Drink About – Seeb & Dagny
I Want To Hear What You Have Got To Say – The Subways
Delicate – Taylor Swift
Stripped – Shiny Toy Guns
Hate That I Love You – Rihanna ft. Ne-Yo
Way Too Far – Korn
Make Me Bad – Korn
Mother Murder – Hollywood Undead
City – Hollywood Undead
Sell My Heart For Stones – Nevermore
If I Ever Lost You – Tyler Shaw
A Hundred Kisses – She Wants Revenge




My Daughter’s Art Sometimes Freaks Me Out

My daughter Ellie is almost 5 years old. We are pretty sure she is gifted based on some Googling. She loves art and can spend the entire day doing it. She has never been the easiest child. She was sweet and wonderful but emotionally a bit high maintenance. She breastfed basically non stop, she refused solids until she could feed herself, she dressed herself and potty learned at 18 months. It took her forever to get dressed at that age, but she insisted on doing it. Trying to teach her how to write her name was difficult because she insisted on making up her own alphabet. I’m pretty sure she is going to become a professional artist and athlete.

Sometimes I wonder if my daughter has spiritual gifts. Sometimes she does and says things that throw me off. Maybe it is just a gifted/thinker thing. I am spiritual, my ex is not. I have a couple books lying around but I don’t talk spiritual things with my kids. My ex and I were happy atheists. I was born into Catholic and Presbyterian families but I switched to public school in grade 11. I was always fascinated (& terrified) by aliens, ghosts, witches, fiction on necromancy, etc. My mind is open. I basically believe in all of it.

In our apartment hallway I have a bunch of my daughter’s art hung up. Most of it is from March break camp at a local art gallery, but some is was sent home from school. Her art she does day to day at home usually gets trashed. She wants to keep everything but there is just so much of it. I did however keep the first time she painted a dragon. We apparently had a huge imaginary dragon live with us for a few months last year. They had a love/hate relationship.

In July, I saw Rob Zombie at the Budweiser stage in Toronto. It was my birthday week and I love him and Marilyn Manson (who was also supposed to be playing). The next night there was an eclipse, which I was fasting for. In the summer I fasted for all three eclipses. Trying out spirituality and all. I had sent my twin flame a ticket to the concert but I pretty sure he just went with his friends, or he missed out which would be really lame for him. I ended up dancing like an idiot by myself all night and it was amazing without him. While I was waiting for the concert I took a photo of my view from my spot. The sky was a beautiful pink.

The day after the concert I caught a glimpse of my daughters art and I swear she had drawn my view a few months earlier, on pink paper. It was the cover of an Easter card she made at school. It included a somewhat cute, somewhat creepy picture of my daughter and a bunny on the inside. I looked at the rest of the art hanging up. One was a picture of me, pregnant with a baby inside me. This photo also had me holding Gavin’s hand on one side and her on my right, floating being held up by an angel. There is a snowman with buttons across his mouth with the words “A snowman’s heart never melts”. There is a palm tree with the numbers 8 and 11 stamped all over it (1111 being a spiritual number). Lastly, there is a picture of Princess Poppy hugging a grumpy Branch from the trolls movie.

I probably overreacted. Why did she draw me pregnant, who told her about angels and wtf is up with that view? Given, I hadn’t eaten in 28 hours at this point. It freaked me the fuck out. Ellie is basically in charge of what gets hung up and what gets taken down, she can be very particular. It is probably nothing, I am probably getting creeped out over nothing. But what if it happens? What if I end up with my twin flame or even have a kid with him? Who the fuck is this angel touching my daughter? I don’t see ghosts, or talk to them, but it is not without possibility. They say kids have a greater connection to the spiritual realm. Just the thought of it all freaks the fuck out of me, not that any of it is bad at all. Yes, I probably overreacted.

If it means anything, 2 am that night my twin flame texted after a 5 or 6 weeks of no contact.

Job Bucket List

Dear Chris,

Since yesterday, my Chris, my twin flame said I could be his girlfriend. I want to tell him my big ass list of jobs I want. I need a manager, like a band manager. Maybe that, but I don’t do sales. I DM, quality control. What should we call it?

I want to run Square One, like a casino, run the room, or a casino. Or both. One job one night a week? Or just text Square One. Just text. I have suggestions, you are the client. Not my problem if you don’t follow my advice and fail. Ill post some photos on my Instagram account with my suggestions and notes. Corporate espionage charge Laura TCP???????????? Need USA and Canada to be one country. Avoid jail. I want back and I’ve got retail secrets. I didn’t make Target leave, I want them to come back.

The companies I currently want to work for, in no order:

Nike, Lululemon, IG model, send me shit.

Las Vegas style casino, Military doula in Iraq, we will talk prices.

The Children’s Place, Justice, Vans, and Hot Topic. There will be more. $200,000 a year per company to district manage, product development, visual specialist.

Square One, $1,000,000 a year, organize your boxes. I know about fire safety.

Also fix this program, make it more like Word.

For The Love of Music

I am absolutely dying to have a conversation with my twin. This is the epitome of why I started my blog. I have so much to get off my chest, and I miss talking to him. I told him I like music, it sounded insanely lame at the time. Everyone likes music. I love music. I obsess over music at times. I probably have never had a musical conversation in my life though. I don’t know a lot of bands, and the bands I know, I know literally nothing about the actual band. I’m a music purist. I am listening to the same albums I did in high school. I have favourite bands that I haven’t even heard a single song from their other ten albums. I get attached to music. It is so emotional for me. I also love to dance and sing along like a complete dork while I’m alone. Sometimes I listen to the same song five times in a row, never getting bored.

My ultimate favourite song is Sister by She Wants Revenge. I’ve loved it since it first came out on MySpace in 2005. It is incestuously perverted and I love every second of it. It wouldn’t be incestuous if it wasn’t called sister, although sister does sometimes just mean girl. Sister in a cult sense. I always took it as brother sister. Maybe it is actually a step sister.

In October, She Wants Revenge came to Toronto and played at the Phoenix hall. It was amazing and terrible at the same time. They played on a Monday night and literally no one I knew had heard of them, so I went alone. I feel so grateful my ex watched the kiddies so I could go. Here is where I go from normal person to extreme music lover. I have so much to say about this fucking concert and I really just wanted to go on to my twin flame since he plays music. The Phoenix hall seems really sketchy. Everyone was super nice but the concert I went to before was Rob Zombie at the Budweiser stage, which was actually professional. I honestly feel like my twin’s band could fill up Phoenix better, they are local to Toronto though. I don’t know music or this hall but I felt like there was a lot of waiting around and they played pretty late. The opening act was okay I suppose, but wasn’t even the same genre. It was her first tour, clearly some sort of personal favour. If you looked past the plastic surgery she was really hot. I hope she was at least fucking the band to put us through her set.

She Wants Revenge and Korn are my two favourite bands. Korn really channels my rage and emoness. She Wants Revenge is slutty and all about relationships. Their Valleyheart album took me a month to listen to because it was too romantic for me. Usually I prefer my romance to come from Vermillion by Slipknot type songs. Cute and romantic is not usually my thing but I swear I was stocked by seagulls after I got addicted to Not Just A Girl.

The lead singer was surprisingly sexy. I had actually never even seen a photo of the band before. My favourite thing about the singer was his moves. He was dancing in this sultry way which can only be properly mimicked in real life. His moves weren’t on beat with his music, like he was secretly having a conversation with someone in the audience. My mind does tend to wander. I may have fantasized that we were secretly communicating with dance. One song he tried and gave up on twice. I actually loved it and thought it was amazing. How he was just like fuck it, next song. The whole thing was just so real. The one thing that really tugged on me was that after he spent the whole night turning me on, when they were done he legitimately looked like he was going to cry. I watched him packing up his equipment and it looked as if he was holding back tears. I wondered if it was the Monday night, little hall thing.

I also wondered if he was bisexual based on his sexy moves but who the fuck knows. In my fantasies the singer, my twin flame and I are a bisexual triad. Since I obsess over the same songs, I know what is playing two seconds in. I am all about the vibe, tone, lyrics and every dimension of every song I love. It is a very introverted act. I would love to sometimes give my twin a song to explain my mood instead of talking. I did this once with a slutty Marilyn Manson song after the Zombie Manson concert. (neither Manson or my twin showed, hopefully it made him laugh)