A Little Hello From My Phone

I haven’t written in so long. I haven’t made any time to sit down and just write. I haven’t opened my computer in months. Right now I have a desperate urge to open my laptop. I cannot. I am putting the children to bed. I felt like the words would slip away by the time they finally fell asleep. The words always come out different, though, as I type on my phone. Funny how there a million different influences on an artist.

Sometimes I feel like I relate to the dark tower series a little too much. I went for a long walk home today and it reminded me of the gunslingers quest. I was in a city, not the desert. However, I could see the horizon in the distance. The clouds were stunning. Sometimes I crave these moments of immersion. Sinking into the environment.

If you are new, welcome, I’m bipolar. I’ve been medicated for a two years now. I wonder at times if the medication squashes my creativity. I wonder if I am who I am supposed to be. Most of the time, I wonder if it does anything at all. Personally I still feel the waves. I still have daily anxiety. I try hard for a month or two. Get excited about projects. Enviably though, I burn out. I stop caring so much. I am too tired. I rest, hard. Slowly, I climb what feels like the steepest cliff to get out of that phase. I’ll do some cleaning a couple days in a row. I’ll cut up fabric but won’t turn on my sewing machine. The anxiety kicks in and I think I don’t remember how to sew. The to do list piles up and I get overwhelmed. I procrastinate the productive stage until theres some sort of deadline. I begin. I overdo it once again.

If you are returning and wondering how I have been the answer is mixed. Love life is up in the air. I don’t know what to do with that. Work life is going well. I am learning how to use the power equipment on Saturday and of course that comes with a ton of anxiety. My house is mostly clean except the kids room. That is definitely a problem for September since I have about 30 more masks to sew. If I didn’t have such a long rest phase I’m trying to get out of then I would have been done that by now! I needed the rest though.

So that is what has been going on. I hope you are all well. Xox

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