I’m adjusting to this way of living, single mom life. It’s okay. I have my anxiety at times, mostly about money. Will I get out of debt? If I do the math, and keep my job, the answer is yes. Still, the anxiety creeps in. My finances are up in the air right now because I’m in the waiting period before I can officially be labelled as single for baby bonus. I’ve started to track how much money I have spent on food and clothing. I’m using the Spendee app. In it you can set budgets for different categories. I’ve been cooking from home more and eating out less. When I have a lot of food in the house I have anxiety that we won’t eat it all. When we don’t have a lot of food in the house, I get frustrated. I also have slight anxiety about being judged. I’ve had family members show up with a bunch of groceries because they thought we don’t have enough food. Then we end up with too much. I’m grateful for the food but I have to admit it stresses me out, especially when they buy the kids juice and cookies. Maybe this is just life with anxiety. There’s no perfect amount of food in my fridge, at least that I have found so far. I’m still working on it. I just wonder if anyone else feels this way. I hope it passes.
Now that I think about it, this was not an anxiety I had when I was married. It was more of a general frustration. Of course, if we bought too much and ended up throwing out food, we were upset. There was a comment or two when we went through weeks where we decided to eat from the cupboards and buy minimal groceries. So really, much hasn’t changed. It’s the damn budging and pressure. I need to pay off my debt as quickly as possible. Not only the interest, but I only have spousal support for so long. After that, my budget will get tighter and it will be more difficult to be making credit card payments. Then I think about the fact that I need to save for my kids’ braces and I debate how much I will be saving for their University. It seems like I do the math every week, just to reassure myself that everything will be okay. This blog post is just another reassurance. You got this. It’s not worth getting anxious over. It’ll be okay.