Finding the Balance

My kids have been sick for two weeks. It was the first flu I had to deal with as a single mother. I got through it. There was lots of vomiting in buckets and fevers, but we survived. I washed all the pillows and bedding in the house. I’m working on sanitizing everything. I’m vaguely surprised I got through it alone. It definitely was harder than it was when my husband lived here.

I spent the weekend thinking of the trade-off. Thinking about this flu and how now I have to walk to work all winter. We used to share a car but it was his. So when it’s blizzarding and I’m walking to work I’m thinking “well, this is my life now”. Unless I get a different or second job I’ll never be able to afford my apartment and a car. Once my kids turn eighteen I’ll probably need a second job to just pay for my apartment and food. That really isn’t a bad idea because I need to save for retirement. Of course, I could get a job that pays more, however, it may not be within walking distance and I may need a car.

This is how my brain runs lately. Thinking about how I am going to afford life. Thinking about how we will have a decent life and balance our budget. I think about spoiling my kids with art supplies and how everyday we have the best time. Every time we do that, it takes away from their RESPs. Then I think about the balance. I think about how I can work more when they are older and worry about that then. There is the fact that they could get a loan and pay for it themselves. I do want to help them as much as I can, comfortably. I guess the truth is, I’m not ready to completely sacrifice, never eat out, stop buying stamps, and not go to the movies to pay for their University. I’m trying to find the balance. I’m trying to take care of everything and get used to this single mom life. It’s going better than I expected.

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