Single Motherhood

It’s possible that I am a better mother now that I’m separated. I definitely do more cleaning than I have ever in my life. Well, maybe I am not a better mother, just a better housekeeper lol. I feel on top of things. I also feel a little tired.

I’m more frustrated than ever with my son’s speech issues. Not because I am particularly worried about it, but because all of a sudden a family member is pushing me to put him back in speech. In reality, I feel a little interrogated by her all around. This was a huge problem last year and was one of the things that really pushed me to lose my temper. For a long while she was complaining that my kids’ room was messy. I feel that, it’s not my room or my toys to clean up. After Christmas though, I did cave and cleaned their room. I put away all their new toys and reorganized it. They don’t usually play in there so it has thankfully stayed clean. I made a TikTok so I got something out of it. My daughter thought it was hilarious that I cleaned up her mess.

I was asked where I had time to date. Not in a ‘oh shucks, you are busy’ way. It was the snarliest way. Well Carol, I don’t have the kids all weekend and I’m done work at 4. Jesus Christ. How dare I date after separating from my husband? There’s nothing much to say about it besides that I have been on dates. When there is something to report I’ll let you know. Still, it is nice to be getting out of the house, and have some grown up conversation.

I’m not going to say my husband was awkward, because I can’t say with any certainty that he actually had a problem with this, however, now we have playdates. There was just something about having people over when he got home from work that I wasn’t comfortable with. Maybe it was me. Now we have a standing playdate every week with my daughter’s friends. They come over and I make dinner for everyone. I am loving more of that grown up conversation.

I mentioned that my son had speech issues; well, he actually is going for a hearing test next month. I just hope we get a conclusive answer either way. I know that he can hear pretty well because he does follow directions. It’s just that he was a sick baby and ended up being so congested all the time that he needed ear tubes. He talks minimally and a little funny at times (it is very cute though!). Look, I’m not against speech therapy. It’s just that we did it for over a year and it is very frustrating. I still try to implement lots of the strategies and he does seem to be speaking a few new words a week.

Not to be paranoid, but being single is making me a little edgy. I feel judged. I feel judged and watched by my family. I feel like I HAVE to keep the apartment extra clean. I feel like certain people are trying to control the situation by deciding what gifts go to whose house and visiting the kids at both our places in the same week. It makes me really uncomfortable. I am trying very hard to not show the edginess to my children. We spend extra time cuddling, playing and reading. I’m still trying to limit the amount of TV they watch, although my daughter is a little con artist lol. We do a ton of art together. That’s all I got for now. Any single parents reading this?

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