University Didn’t Work Out For Me

I don’t blame the university, I blame myself. My stomach still had issues. I didn’t know what the problem was. I went into university depressed. I don’t think going was a mistake, but I wish I could do it all over. If things were different though, I wouldn’t have my beautiful children. The classes were interesting, but I didn’t go to orientation. My mother had a bad habit of reading my mail and not giving it to me. I had a bad habit of not being prepared and should have looked into university more.

I didn’t have the best first impression with my roommates, my mother was setting up my room. She bought all of the stuff without my opinion on anything. I would have preferred to have some say. You could say she didn’t want me to grow up. She was very controlling. I yelled at her to let me at least set up my room myself. I should have just let it go for appearances sake. I was never into appearances. I didn’t spend much money on clothes yet. I had way too much black in my wardrobe. I had a terrible Jackie Warner short haircut. I never hid my emotions. I was super repressed, but I never tried to hide my face.

In high school I had no problem making friends. I dated a lot and slept more. I didn’t mind being a social butterfly. If I just went to class and didn’t talk to anyone that was fine with me. I could go home and rest. At night I might lay in bed and talk to boys online. I didn’t know why I felt this way, it just was. My doctor kept insisting it was just anxiety and depression. I think it was a mix of that and the FPIES and possibly MCAS. School and bed was my life.

University wasn’t that big of an adjustment because I didn’t find a social group. A suicide attempt ended me in the hospital. The hospital kept me two weeks and I missed my final exams. The university was nice enough to take those classes off my record. One year of university and only three classes are recorded. I ended up doing a six-week program at the hospital including CBT, cognitive behavioural therapy. It helped a lot with my assumed bulimia. At the time the only thing that made me regularly sick was pasta. Turns out, I have issues with basil. I went vegan for a while, that helped with the dairy aspect.

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