I think I got diagnosed PTSD before I actually had it, well that is what I used to think. Now I believe the memory issues are real PTSD. In the hospital in September I had my first flash black experiences. It happened twice. I was standing there and it was like I was bouncing my son in his Tula a few days before he was diagnosed failure to thrive. I had a MRI and I was told it was fine but I didn’t see it and I’m not sure if that rules out PTSD. Drs also said my bloodwork was fine but I was on boost. Wish they went over the results with me.

In August I pushed my body to psychosis. 40 hours without sleep, basically no food or water. 24 hours of walking. A nurse suggested severe depression, suicide not an option, so my brain made  up some thing; taking in clues, or it was fate. What are the chances I was in a building that kept paging “tower level 4”. I felt like when I got to the tenth tower I would be safe, it worked, my mom was gone.

At ten tower I wrote: “This book is fiction. If you believe everything you read on the internet, you are me. JK my MIL is scared of Web MD, so I had to. This is my ASSHOLE book. It’s fake news. For entertainment only. If you believe parts of it you are an idiot or genius, IDK, take a Mensa test.” Grow where you are planted.

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