Emotional Entanglement

I’m in a stage post divorce where I am questioning everything. What is love? Does it matter? I loved my husband, but not as much as I should have. There were times where we felt close and I felt like I needed him in my life, however, we were very incompatible. I’m handsy and chatty, he is the sit in a rocking chair silently and alone type. We both liked video games and board games. He told me he did drugs but what he really meant was he smoked pot with friends camping one time. He was way more of a nerd than I expected. When we met I didn’t vet him so much. He was nice and we enjoyed each other’s company. Three months in I was pregnant by accident. Forced emotional entanglement I suppose.

Now that I am dating again I am fully vetting. Most could say my standards are too high. I just want to make sure I know what I’m getting before we are together a while and we get tangled. I’m so emotionally entangled with my twin flame and we have never even met in person. Too much time talking I suppose. Too many deep conversations. I want to grow old with my twin, make him one of my best friends, even if we never have sex. It might be easier for us to just be friends if I have a boyfriend, but I don’t want to settle just to be with someone. I feel so young and so old at the same time. In some ways I’ve had a full life. In others I feel so young and inexperienced. I could spend the next five years skill building and not dating, I even might be content with that. I’m not sure if I want to get attached to anyone new. I’m not even sure if I want to have sex ever again. I’m still heartbroken over everything, and I think it’s ok to be fragile and untouchable right now.

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