Twin Flame Playlist

Vermillion pt 2 – Slipknot
Red Flags & Long Nights – She Wants Revenge
Fated, Faithful, Fatal – Marilyn Manson
Sex On Fire – Kings of Leon
Rock & Roll Queen – The Subways
Young God – Halsey
Drink About – Seeb & Dagny
I Want To Hear What You Have Got To Say – The Subways
Delicate – Taylor Swift
Stripped – Shiny Toy Guns
Hate That I Love You – Rihanna ft. Ne-Yo
Way Too Far – Korn
Make Me Bad – Korn
Mother Murder – Hollywood Undead
City – Hollywood Undead
Sell My Heart For Stones – Nevermore
If I Ever Lost You – Tyler Shaw
A Hundred Kisses – She Wants Revenge

 

 

 

Empath vs Narcissist

They say that empaths and narcissists make some of the most toxic relationships. An empath is someone who feels the emotions and sometimes thoughts of others. A narcissist is someone who is incapable of seeing things from other’s point of view. The relationship becomes very one sided.

One could argue that it is easy for the empath to be full of one sided relationships; I know this first hand. I’m a very independent person. I ask very little of others. Sometimes I find myself in situations where the first time I need someone to go out on a limb for me, well, it is years into knowing them. I find it hard to know who is who. Who is a narcissist, who is kind of self centred, or who is just not used to helping me back?

This fall has been kind of a disaster. Let’s just say, relationships have been tested. I deleted my Facebook, or someone did, I don’t remember deleting it. My Facebook friends freaked out and got super worried about me. The drama of my disappearing act made me lose my gig at the Baby Show. It has been nice getting random messages from strangers making sure I was okay. I love my online ladies!

Maybe no one is a full narcissist, but I know a few. A few unnamed humans who have a terrible time thinking of anyone but themselves. Every conversation seems frustrating. They are shifty, they might change with the wind. I think it is self protection. They are insecure, possibly lack morals or common sense.

The empath can be very defensive, especially one not in their power. They can be completely submissive, uncomfortable with the barrage of emotions coming at them. Empaths are often sensitive, caring people. No matter what you are, empath or narcissist, you have to decide who you are and what you want. What will you stand for? What I want is to embrace my empath abilities. I want to be a good humanitarian. I want to create a joyful, peaceful, narcissist free life.

I Have Another Book Idea

Come back twin flame, I want to do it with you.

My twin flame introduced me to this slutty dating/community website. I’m not really sure what to call it. It’s like pervert Facebook. I like it. Everyone has been really nice since I signed up. There is definitely more talking to strangers than Facebook. There are a few people on their who take their sexual escapades to a professional level. They make their profile all nice like Instagram, they get fans. I kind of love it. I kind of want to do it without being naked. I’m not into being naked on the internet, especially being a mother.

One thing that my twin flame and I are amazing at is sexting. It is so hot. Sexting him is like making music. I have a good imagination, and he has a lot of good sex stories, I’m sure. I think we could write a great book of short sexy stories. I have considered writing something like it for his birthday, but I doubt his girlfriend would want him to keep it. So if he does end up reading this, what do you think? One day, do you want to write an ebook of short sex stories with me?

The Sock, The Tree, The Boiling Water

July was a strange, exciting month. I had worried it would be awful since it was my birthday and I was very single. The one other time I was single on my birthday a female friend offered me her lover to play with. We ended up dating for a while. This year all I wanted was to get my twin flame back, we disconnected in June. I missed having him in my life. He needed to focus on the relationship he is already in.

I would have maybe given up on him completely if it wasn’t such a strange month. I was seeing 1111 almost everyday. I was being stalked by birds it seemed. Then there were the three strange things. The first was I had a thought that I would be ok if he was with someone else. Not strange of course, however, I was standing boiling an egg and water jumped out. I got burned by the water literally a second after thinking that. Some similar thought came by as I went to go change over the laundry a few days later. I opened the door to the washer and Gavins sock fell out, stained in the shape of a rocker hand. It’s on my Instagram. Totally looks faked but I have no idea how that happened.

The other somewhat weird thing that happened was with my friend. We took our babies for a walk and I was telling her about this dream I had of my twin and suddenly, as we walked under this blossoming tree, it began to rain. It only rained for two minutes but it was enough for tons of flowers to fall on us and the babes.

Maybe it was magic, maybe it was the universe giving me a good month, maybe it was nothing and I read too much into things. I like to believe it was something special. I like to believe I was semi stocked by coyotes for a reason. July just felt like the spiritual realm was giving me a big hug, helping me get through. I’m okay having that prospective even if it sounds nuts. This year has been very hard and I will take all the help I can get.

My Daughter’s Art Sometimes Freaks Me Out

My daughter Ellie is almost 5 years old. We are pretty sure she is gifted based on some Googling. She loves art and can spend the entire day doing it. She has never been the easiest child. She was sweet and wonderful but emotionally a bit high maintenance. She breastfed basically non stop, she refused solids until she could feed herself, she dressed herself and potty learned at 18 months. It took her forever to get dressed at that age, but she insisted on doing it. Trying to teach her how to write her name was difficult because she insisted on making up her own alphabet. I’m pretty sure she is going to become a professional artist and athlete.

Sometimes I wonder if my daughter has spiritual gifts. Sometimes she does and says things that throw me off. Maybe it is just a gifted/thinker thing. I am spiritual, my ex is not. I have a couple books lying around but I don’t talk spiritual things with my kids. My ex and I were happy atheists. I was born into Catholic and Presbyterian families but I switched to public school in grade 11. I was always fascinated (& terrified) by aliens, ghosts, witches, fiction on necromancy, etc. My mind is open. I basically believe in all of it.

In our apartment hallway I have a bunch of my daughter’s art hung up. Most of it is from March break camp at a local art gallery, but some is was sent home from school. Her art she does day to day at home usually gets trashed. She wants to keep everything but there is just so much of it. I did however keep the first time she painted a dragon. We apparently had a huge imaginary dragon live with us for a few months last year. They had a love/hate relationship.

In July, I saw Rob Zombie at the Budweiser stage in Toronto. It was my birthday week and I love him and Marilyn Manson (who was also supposed to be playing). The next night there was an eclipse, which I was fasting for. In the summer I fasted for all three eclipses. Trying out spirituality and all. I had sent my twin flame a ticket to the concert but I pretty sure he just went with his friends, or he missed out which would be really lame for him. I ended up dancing like an idiot by myself all night and it was amazing without him. While I was waiting for the concert I took a photo of my view from my spot. The sky was a beautiful pink.

The day after the concert I caught a glimpse of my daughters art and I swear she had drawn my view a few months earlier, on pink paper. It was the cover of an Easter card she made at school. It included a somewhat cute, somewhat creepy picture of my daughter and a bunny on the inside. I looked at the rest of the art hanging up. One was a picture of me, pregnant with a baby inside me. This photo also had me holding Gavin’s hand on one side and her on my right, floating being held up by an angel. There is a snowman with buttons across his mouth with the words “A snowman’s heart never melts”. There is a palm tree with the numbers 8 and 11 stamped all over it (1111 being a spiritual number). Lastly, there is a picture of Princess Poppy hugging a grumpy Branch from the trolls movie.

I probably overreacted. Why did she draw me pregnant, who told her about angels and wtf is up with that view? Given, I hadn’t eaten in 28 hours at this point. It freaked me the fuck out. Ellie is basically in charge of what gets hung up and what gets taken down, she can be very particular. It is probably nothing, I am probably getting creeped out over nothing. But what if it happens? What if I end up with my twin flame or even have a kid with him? Who the fuck is this angel touching my daughter? I don’t see ghosts, or talk to them, but it is not without possibility. They say kids have a greater connection to the spiritual realm. Just the thought of it all freaks the fuck out of me, not that any of it is bad at all. Yes, I probably overreacted.

If it means anything, 2 am that night my twin flame texted after a 5 or 6 weeks of no contact.

Square One Manager? One Day!

Square One is my favourite mall. I worked there overnight shifts with my best friend Kate. I was a little runner for my DM Laura at the Children’s Place. She had me open and close almost every store in the Burlington to Toronto district she had. It was the best job ever. My favourite part was destroying back rooms and getting product on the floor.

Inspired by Jennifer McGuire’s My Favourite Things YouTube series, I want a mall with My Favourite Brands.

Watch the blogs for my letters.

Keg beside The Beer Store, outdoor entrances. To Start.